Frank's up the fuckin' tree!

Frank Franklin does not know how to operate a god damn snowmobile. He does love getting absolutely Franklined from a potent concoction of gin and cough syrup and then hoping on one of these machines. His last adventure on a snowmobile caused an uproar in the community. He was the first man in the county to be rescued from a tree from the result of a sledding accident.


Here is the statement that Frank gave to the fire chief after being rescued from the tree. Please understand that Frank was incredibly high on the" syrup" and drunk off his ass from gin. Also Frank's use of words is limited and a bit confusing due to the head injuries he has suffered over the years from games of rock hurling.



His words mainly come out with some frenchness due to his upbringing in Quebec. Due to his disgusting baked beaned teeth and halitosis most people like to stand at least 6 feet away from Frank Franklin when they are speaking with him.


Fire Chief Burt " Burnt " Beetles has recorded this interview in regards to the incident and it has been transcribed as follows: (note: all words are spelled and transcribed the way that Frank would like them to be spelled as he is a drunk, frenched up and a totally irrational human.)


Burnt: Frank Franklin why were you up in the tree?



Frank Franklin: weel' Burnter ... ey was jus given'r the ol' goose eh and ..da ol ski felled off of the da ol trike de neige(snowmobile). Je drive' the sled very quick eh.



B: Frank francis Franklin that does not explain us finding you 35 feet up in the tree hanging by a pair of soiled and stolen police pants. The only reason why you are not being charged by the police for this incident is that Constable Skink is too involved .... Do you undertsand that the fire rescue team and police force have more important things to do than look after drunken fools like youself? ..So i'll ask you once again ... why were you up in the tree?


FF: I start from le begining ... ol fishy (Cynthia Fishburne) got a chuck a de mayo in da tits at Darrells maison de chaud(house warming) two days ago. Elle(she) was tres(very) hurt and je thought I should ahh helpe' mon friend fishy.Darrell de la Barrell et moi decided to ahh retaliete' to le stinky skinks. We decided to ahh you know make le war de merde or as you say a war of shit. Dis' is not your con-ven-tin-al war of de poop it was many tricks to put our feces in these dicks de la face apartment. Darrell de la Barrell et moi(and me) started with le envolope trick avec(with ) le splatter cat poop and le shaving cream. You make the trick with one grande envolope, one foaming shaving cream and one tres violent post beer poope' . You put you bum bum up against da envolope and make le splatter cat poope' dans(in) da envolope et put in the whole can of shaving cream. Then I close it but do not lick it sealed and make a shake so you get a poope' foamy mix. Then me et Darrell put the stinkelope under constable skinks apartment door and a big cutting board on top. Ces't tres drolle(its very funny) haha funny times we counted to three .... une , deux, trois.... and we jumped on the board of cut and BOOOOM!!! shit hit the fan hahahaha or every wall in the skinks apartment. HAHA STINK SKINKS.

B: That is disgusting Frank! What the hell is wrong with you? Were the Skinks home at the time?

FF: It was past three so le miss Sheman , I mean Sheila was shaving at home. Haha we pro-bab-ly helped her by putting some shit cream on that beard she tries to make the tame to.

B: Was Constable Harold Skink at home?

FF: He was just parking le auto de police in the basement and ol fishy was ready for him. She was so angry about one of her tits explode' from mayo. She had made diss bombs to throw at him when he was coming up le stairs.

B: What the fuck are diss bombs?

FF: my favorite weapon in la war of shit. It is a combo weapon.... a water ballon filled with diarrhea and piss. You make it by....

B: STOP right there! I don't want to know how you made those terrible creatures. What are you on Frank? please tell me that fishchimney didn't hurl a armload of diss bombs on to Constable skinks head.

FF: Well ... I'm on about a 40 of gin and about 6 bottles of buckleys. Je don't like the taste but it gets me to the zone de wonder. Oh... yeah fishy hit that dick de la face with 13 diss bombs from about 2 floors up. She had le precious barrell of Darrell full of the diss and dumped it over the third floor edge. HAHA she forgot how tres heavy the barrell was and it went over the edge too. HAAA (Frank then coughs a bit and projectile vomits on the Burnter) Sorry I must of had a bit to much of de syrup.... but a yeah the barrell is about a... ya know 70 lbs and it fell on Skinkies head ... ahh it knocked him to next week ya know.

B: Get a hold of yourself.... If you ever barf of me again I will light you on fire. Is that when you stole constable skinks pants? ......Ahh your barf smells like vicks vapour rub and doritos.... yuck!

FF: Yeah we stole pants and I put them on cause I like to have put my genitals where other mens genitals come from. ..... but We all had to get out of there before ol stinky skiny beard came down from up stairs and before on constinkieskink woke up from his extende' sleep du shit.

B: Did all three of you get on the snowmobile? Do you realize that it is June? .....

FF: Yes i know it is a bit de strange but it is mon only mode de transport. You know you can still go 100 miles an hour on le sled in the summer? ... hahaha tres viet ... the only thing is I go through le skis very fast cause de pave. So I droppe Darrell and ol fishy at her place and made off for home in the woods. I decided to take a short cut through de skate park and make' un petite jump for le fun.

B: Is that how you got in the tree?

FF: Yeah I shit my pants and blacked out right before I hit the vert rampe' going about 75 miles an hour. So I guesse' that might be how I got in the stupid tree .. I don't know who planned this skate park its no good fun for snowmobiles.

B: Well thats all I need to know , your snowmobile is being impounded until the winter unless you can come up with $10,000. You are very lucky that Harold and Sheila Skink initiated this entire jar of shit cause its the only reason you are getting off this easy. Harold's Dad ..Govenor Skink wants this swept under the rug as soon as possible. Is there anything else you have to say for youself?

FF: I just came in my soiled pants...I was jacking le snake during the whole interview!

B: That's it Frank... I've had enough.. GO HOME ..GO TO BED...GET A BRAIN!!!!

FF: Good night Burnter ... Shit happens!!!